Make yourself at home....

                                                               

Musings from 1st July 2001 - 20th anniversary of our move to the US and gently edited to reflect thoughts from our 40th year!

I never really planned to move this far away from "home." That would be the home and town that I grew up in and to which I have returned frequently over the years.  It is there that you share in the family memories, eat comforting foods in familiar surroundings, and discover a false sense of stability in an ever changing world. Somehow over the years the word home has morphed and expanded its meaning to encompass the homes that we have lived in here; ones we share, create and shape as a family to ensure a safe and welcoming space. 

I never really meant to stay away this long and vaguely responded to questions about when we were coming "home" to N. Ireland or if we felt at "home" in the US, being  unsure if they were suggestions, criticisms, or encouragements.  They also involved a lot of soul-searching and potentially challenging decisions. But somehow day by day the weeks became years and the three years of the appointed time slipped by, only to be followed by a move and the birth of our American daughter Lyn who provided some roots.  Birthdays, school years and anniversary celebrations rolled by until 20 years had passed - and now incredibly 40* years! And frequently I ask myself how did all those years slip by? What happened to them?  A quick look in the mirror would actually confirm what my brain is reluctant to acknowledge, but it's about more than a number. The sunny summers and the golden autumns, cold and snowy winters followed by magnificent flower-filled springtimes passed and passed again, all filled with life's experiences that somehow strangely felt as if they were new each time around. 

There are many memories of a life lived between cultures - each one enriching or slipping into the experience of the other.  I'm often surprised to discover that I'm still here: I'm surprised when I drive busy American roads, share experiences and communicate seamlessly in real time with friends and family members overseas, talk with my daughter who puts me right on things I may have missed in this crazy news cycle, and when daily I find the unfamiliar in the familiar as when we remind ourselves to put the bin out for trash collection and put things in the post to mail!

I realize then we have always been at home because it is the place we carry nostalgically in our hearts; it is in the memories of all the accumulated experiences that we box up physically or mentally to transport to each new destination; it is where we find ourselves at the end of the day––either here in our physical home or on an extended vacation or visit overseas.  So, after much thought once again on this momentous anniversary, less philosophically but more practically minded I can now also attest that, "Home is where the wi-fi connects automatically."** 

*We recently came full circle and returned to our first American hometown in Huntington WV to watch our new grandson grow and spread our American roots deeper.  But as they say here, " That is a whole 'nother story.... :) 

**Quote:   ~Internet meme https://www.quotegarden.com/home.html

Updated July 8, 2021

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Departures

Date of writing August 20, 2005

            

The birds in the planter outside the window have grown to a size where they are vying for space in their crowded nest.  Why the parents waited so long to start their little family is a mystery to us.  Only a couple of weeks ago we became aware of the nest after watching the sparrows enter and exit the dense blanket of flowers with purposeful activity.  Now, the little mouths, open in silent screams, wait for the food to bulk them up and prepare them for their harsh entry into the real world where they will fend for themselves.  It appears that soon there will be an empty nest as the autumn creeps up on the hanging basket.

            Within our home, we too are preparing for just such an event.  Over the past school year, the recent months and summer days, we have prepared our daughter for what we believe she will need to leave for college.  The conversations have helped us plan for situations in advance; the shopping trips have supplied the necessary and comforting staples to extend the feeling of home beyond this cozy and coddling environment.  In less than a day we will take it all to her dorm and return home to our emptier walls.  Lyn meanwhile, busy with her own goodbyes to friends, prepares excitedly for her departure.

            In a hospital bed in the cancer unit of Fairfax hospital lies a dear friend.  This expert of diaphanous and flighty dragonflies is tied to her bed by webs of tubes that supply her with palliatives and nourishment – essentials to maintain her life since the latest and unfavorable medical reports.  Nancy, once an energetic explorer of the wonders of the natural world, is confined to a room that has become her interim residence, where amid friends and loved ones, she also is preparing and longing for her departure for a pain-free heavenly home.

            And in the space of a few hours they all left.  A silent, empty planter revealed that the birds had taken flight to discover the world beyond the nest.  A phone-call confirmed that Nancy had made her departure, breaking free of the earthly and flimsy chains that had held her; early next morning we brought Lyn to college and said our goodbyes.

            No doubt each of these departures took place with the conflicting emotions of fear and expectation of what lies ahead; those who are left behind experience their own emotions of relief and pain of loss.  But each was prepared and ready to go to the next stage, to break free and embrace what lay ahead – the birds to the world of flight, Lyn to the future, and Nancy to a new body.  As we watch, we commit them all to the loving care of our Lord who reminds us:

 

            Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns; and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?

                                                                                                Matthew 6:27

 

                                                            August 20-21 2005 - Jill Moore

“One fair daughter, and no more…..,” From Hamlet, Shakespeare

        

Today on Mother's Day 2017 I thought back on an entry into the book that I had written for Lyn as she was graduating from high school - almost 11 years ago.  As I look back over the years, I am incredibly proud to be her mum and of all she has done in recent years.  

                        “One fair daughter, and no more…..,” Hamlet, II,ii,416

Thoughts on Mothers’ Day 2004

         Having a child is a positive declaration to the world: it’s a belief in the future and a desire to contribute to it.  On one level, one has a child for personal and selfish reasons: to love, to cosset, to nurture, and, of course, to pass on those incredible genes!  On a greater level, one hopes to have an impact on the future and to make the world a better place.  What mother in her heart has not looked into that tiny form of a helpless child and seen the possibilities – the one who will accomplish all that we could not, the one who might accomplish great things in his or her chosen field, or the one whose name will be loved and cherished on account of talents or strength of character.

         We are caretakers and nurturers, at once scared and awed by the power that this role apparently offers us, but even more terrified at our total inadequacy for the task that parenthood involves.

New Year's Resolutions - really?

December 31, 2016

It's New Year's Eve and I sit at my desk thinking about the New Year and the resolutions I will or should make.  To be honest, I know that they will probably not be kept, and at my age, I'm not sure I can come up with anything new.  As I contemplate, my eyes glance at the cards that sit atop my desk, and as I look at each, I see the inspiration to guide me into the new year.

Firstly two small cards say Thank you! One is from a  person who just wanted to express thanks for my being there.  It reminds me that taking some time to put aside my personal agenda will benefit others in ways that I could never imagine.  My own "busyness" at times makes me forget to do this - perhaps in 2017 I will learn that busyness is not a virtue and that I need to make time to listen to others and more importantly say and write "Thank you" to the many people who impact my life.  The second card comes from a teacher I mentored who now has returned to China to work in a new school. She tells me that my experience and mentoring has enabled her to be prepared for her new role; I loved working with her and I am glad that she is taking the message to her students.  So my next resolution will be to remember to pass on what I know as it is simply the chain of knowledge so that others do not need to learn the hard way or recreate the wheel.

Another favorite card quotes a proverb: "The world is full of cactus but you don't have to sit on it."  I probably need to learn from this EVERY SINGLE DAY! Because the "cactus" comes in all shapes and sizes. There is the traffic cactus, the people cactus, the latest craze and thing to do cactus - but I need to exercise wisdom and understanding to be aware that I don't always have to engage.  For this, I need to have confidence in my strengths and my point of view to be aware that I can sit beside the "cactus" (like the picture on the card) and examine if this cactus is worth engaging - or not!   This resolution requires me to have a reflective attitude, to consider what I have learned from experience, and to see if this is something that will provide a productive outcome - because if not, it is probably best not to waste the time and energy trying to find out how to engage with the cactus while remaining unscathed by the thorns.  I will not give in to the latest idea and fads; I will choose what is worthy of my time and talents, what is best for me, my students and their learning.

The next card sends a message that is the antithesis of the previous one: "Ever notice that 'what the hell'  is always the right decision?" (Unknown Hollywood script writer)  I don't really agree that it is always the right decision for me, but occasionally I need to abandon my prosaic life-style and seize the day or the opportunity and live for the moment.

The final card that inspires me is my favorite with a quote from Marcel Proust: "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Each year I have discovered it is important to have new eyes: to be open to new experiences, to be willing to learn new things, to be willing to engage on topics beyond my comfort zone or to broaden my sphere of knowledge on a particular aspect of life, language teaching, or topic that interests me.  "New eyes" remind me that I learn and continue to grow as a person as I observe and remain alert to what is happening around me.

And so I will decide to let these resolutions once again be my guides for the new year.  Perhaps this year, I will finally get it right!

S-N-O-W!

SNOW  (1993 – ditto 2016)

This was written during the 1993 snowstorm but while the forecasting has improved, preparation and clean up are much the same!

Capital Weather Gang 16/01/21/poll-name-this-winter-storm/

“There’s a disturbance” on the West Coast that could ride along the jet stream and cause a major snow event in the East by the weekend.” Such is the announcement that big snow “events” take with hints of impending chaos and doom even when it is only Monday.

Very little makes this center of the western world tremble as much as snow. Any covert threats to safety, the CIA checks it out; looming asteroids getting too close, NASA takes care of that; mysterious events, FBI is investigating; threats from abroad, the Pentagon mounts myriad forces to do the shock and awe treatment and leave them trembling. But the one terror that leaves them all powerless––SNOW––the four letter word that strikes more fear and terror into the heart of the Washington area than anything else.

As the week progressed under sunny skies but frigid temperatures, the snow totals mounted; 4-6” in the morning became 8-12” by evening; by the following day 12-16” and finally two feet and counting. This was to be a megastorm to rival other historical storms on record. Schools announced closures, regional activities came to a halt – all before a snowflake had been sighted.  But we try to keep a slightly cynical mentality about snow totals also. So often we have been deceived by alarmist forecasters who foresaw whiteouts on the computer models, which turned into mere flurries on the ground.

I should have expected something when I went to do my usual weekly shopping and had to park in the proverbial left field of the spacious car park. Refusing to bow to the lemming mentality I decided that a visit to the bookstore would be a necessity because in my mind, being snowed in provided the perfect opportunity to curl up with a book. Thinking “snow” read as opposed to beach read, the obvious choice was Snow Falling on Cedars! With the one essential purchase made, it was time to head to the grocery store.  A cursory glance suggested that it was not overly busy and so I wound my way round the produce selecting fruit and vegetables. It was only when I met the middle aisles and encountered backups of patient and not so patient shoppers with overladen carts that I realized this was going to take longer than expected.

I  too eventually joined a line  and reflected on the different groups of shoppers around me. There were the “combat” grim-faced group who made their way from bread to milk to flour to toilet rolls and who passed disparaging looks to those who were thoughtfully inspecting their lists. Then there were those who were stocking up seemingly in the event that it would be months before stores would reopen. Then to my surprise there were some whose carts were filled with frivolities as if the family would party their way through the storm. I must admit a certain resentment for these people who with their superfluous purchases were cluttering up the aisles. Then there were the regular shoppers who had picked over the remaining offerings of the near empty shelves. There were anomalies I could not fathom: flour and cake mixes had been cleaned out. What? Were all these busy people suddenly going to find their inner Martha Stewart and bake cookies and cakes? This is not an area where women bake: we buy, we order, we visit expensive French bakeries so this seemed quite absurd. Bread was snatched up as it was being set out; triple decker sandwiches seemed to be a fixture on everyone's survival menu!

Eventually I passed through the check out and set off home – to wait. And then it began, one flake, then another floated past the window, barely perceptible at first and then still distinguishable as a gentle layer removed the sharp edges from winter’s harsh landscapes. But in the night hours it happened, a thick white soft blanket rounded and covered the ground, 12” then 18” and then 24” deep until we were surrounded, besieged, and cut off from the world beyond the doors. All we could do was watch and wait. It had its own beauty, this machine with a mind of its own, spilling, spewing, sputtering flakes on its victims.

And finally, in the light of a second day, it ceased! And we opened the door to marvel at its beauty, to survey and recall what used to be recognizable landmarks.  Eventually a new reality set in; dressed for skiing but equipped with shovels rather than skis, we adopted the maxim that the road to the street and freedom begins with one small shovelful and then another… and another!

Gardening and life....

We've spent a long day tidying up the garden for the approaching winter.  It is exhausting and fulfilling work. But it is more than just raking and cutting and so I thought it was maybe time for me to post my gardening musings.

Life and gardening - this I believe.....

I believe that gardening has much to teach me about life.  After the spring rains and sunshine warm the earth and arouse the weeds and plants to grow profusely, I know that I need to deal with the weeds if the beauty of the real flowers is not to be effaced.  As I wrench weeds and dig up stubborn roots, and even admire their subtle efforts to deceive with gaudy flowers, I realize that life often needs that decisive approach to preserve its integrity.  Learning to distinguish the real from the false is an essential skill as I learn to weed out behaviors, habits, or longings that would sap my life force and eventually stunt my growth, mar my individuality, and distract me from my purpose and focus.

As I prune and shape through spurts of summer growth or watch plants deal with periods of drought, I realize that life has similar periods; at times living is easy; there are times of drought when I need to draw on the strength and nourishment stored up in times of abundance. Like my plants, I may undergo pruning as I make decisions and shape my life to follow a particular course, or reshape myself to think in a new direction. I have learned that in times of stress there is inner strength for new opportunities for growth.  As I watched young trees this year divest themselves of leaves in a period of drought, I realized the need to know when to give up on a lost cause or to try a different path that will enable me to survive.

The abundance and richness of fall fills me with gratitude for all of life that surrounds me. The myriad colors of nature are never inharmonious. The diversity of people and experiences that have come my way tell me that life is a rich tapestry, and that I should not dread the richness and maturity that come with age. I can share from the abundance of experience and pass on seeds of friendship and wisdom to those who cross my path.

As I survey the winter landscape approaching outside my window, I see on the one hand its barrenness; but on the other, I am reminded of the need for rest and reflection in a world where the term 24/7 has become synonymous with modern successful life.  I see instead a world where nature wisely shrinks back and finds time to store energy and renew itself for another season.  Likewise, I need to find time for reflection and renewal.

Gardening provides many metaphors for life, perhaps because we each desire to discover or create our own little Eden where all is perfect, productive, and ultimately provides beauty and harmony.  And does not this truly reflect life where we can move and bend with the harsh elements, survive periods of drought, enjoy periods of plenty and show off our colors to the sun, and learn to bloom, like Candide, where we have been planted. And, of course, I must take note of the miracles - like the pansy that has grown from a seedling in a crack in a path.

This is why at the end of a summer or autumn day, exhausted and satisfied from working in the garden, that I can take time physically and metaphorically to stop and smell the roses.

Autumn

Summer

Winter

Summer colors