Dad: Reginald Barr

A life that exemplifies faith, hope, and love

So how does one go about summing up a life of 87 years in a few short paragraphs?

There is no way to do it justice, and a quick look through the quote book when thinking of someone so dear to us simply makes the quotes look platitudinous and inadequate.  So what might work to encapsulate or rather explain what dad meant to us.

For the texting generation we could try the life in six words approach:

“Husband, father, grand-father, great-grandfather, father-in-law…, friend” –     but you quickly notice that there just aren’t enough words – even  while this succinct approach may provide a quick way to remember him in our busy lives.

We could then mention that he taught us all the lessons that children of our generation needed to know:

• That money doesn’t grow on trees  (we now know much better now – it comes out of slots in the wall)
• That a job worth doing is worth doing well… (and even better if you can find an expert in the field  and pay them to do it)

But these are the clichés that can be told of most good lives from a distance.

However, it is so hard to think that he is no longer a part of our lives as he has been there––every day—for so long.  We truly have been blessed to have our parents around for so long.

So to think clearly about dad and what he meant to us, you have to look more closely. And then the first thing you notice is that dad always dressed as if every day was important:

We never saw him without his shirt, tie, and matching pullover or cardigan – even in recent months when he was pretty much house bound.  But each day was significant to him and he prepared for it by dressing to meet it. He accepted each new day and the challenges it brought–bravely–until the very end.  He never complained: in other words, his sartorial elegance reflected the true gentleman he was. (Even his cardiologist said he was his best-dressed patient!)

Standing back a little, we see some general influences he had on our lives: since we all pretty much share these (even down to the grand-daughters), one might be forgiven for thinking that they might just be genetic!

We got our love of reading from him:

We were brought up with books and taken to the library at an early age.  In recent years we shared and exchanged books, recommended books, and indulged one another’s enjoyment of books and offered books as presents.

We got our enjoyment of good music from him:

In the distant past of our childhood, dad returned home from trips to London telling us about concerts he attended at the Royal Albert Hall.  He introduced us to “good music” which we didn’t always appreciate at the time, but which we can enjoy and have made part of our eclectic mix.

We got our appreciation for education: 

Even though dad left school early to follow an apprenticeship in management, he always had a thirst for knowledge and sought to expand his skills in many areas throughout the years.  He honed his sharp mind and intellect daily, and conversations with him were always articulate and spirited.  

But standing back a little there were the even bigger life lessons or principles that we learned:

1.  Patience is necessary to achieve the desired results:

Never was dad’s patience more evident than on the picnics we remember from our childhood when we set off on veritable expeditions for a mere day at the seaside.   Picnics always included fresh sandwiches accompanied by tea – made once the water had been boiled on the primus stove. This process involved carefully choreographed arm movements to grab and strike matches to produce an initial explosive flame, pumping and priming the stove with one hand to achieve the volatile mix to maintain the flames, while fanning frantically with the lid of the box in the other to encourage the flames – all accompanied by a couple of good verbal encouragements we rarely heard him use except in extreme circumstances!  Invariably a northerly gusty wind that would have prevented even Prometheus from delivering fire from the gods would be part of the climatic conditions on such days, but dad never gave up! Eventually that scout master perseverance prevailed and tea was finally ready - long after the sandwiches and bread had been devoured and we were all close to suffering from hypothermia.  

2.  You must have the wisdom and courage to follow you heart:

Every time there was a major decision to be taken, it was never settled upon or finalized without running it past dad. With wisdom – which he would never have given himself credit for – he added perspectives and insights from his experience.  He never told us what to do, but encouraged us to do what was in our hearts, because he felt that we would then know the right thing to do – with the emphasis on “doing the right thing.” Looking at our lives today, I don’t think we have strayed too far from that advice and found success and fulfillment in doing so.

3.  Love keeps a short list of enemies and a long list of loved ones

In recent years, we have rarely heard expressions of anger from dad.  Like all of us, he railed against the injustices of the world and political folly, but he accepted his expanding family and became a friend to all.  He rejoiced in his growing family; accepted sons-in-law as more sons, a daughter-in-law as another daughter, followed the progress and rejoiced in the successes of his growing granddaughters and took great joy in his great-grandchildren, and even expanded his enthusiasm to the family dogs – some met and known only through pictures.  Dad accepted friends and family from overseas, followed lives with enthusiasm and interest, and just always cared.   He always spoke to people as if he or she were the most important person in the world.

4.  Learning is indeed a lifelong experience

As the rest of us were finding out the advantages of technology to keep in touch, dad was not to be left behind and in his 80s he mastered his new Mac computer, learned to use his iPad (complete with online banking!) used Face Time, Skype and text messages to communicate, and even created a Face Book page!  This allowed him to keep in touch with his American granddaughter who  helped him set it up.   For him, until a short time ago, everyday presented new opportunities to learn about and explore this technological world.

5.  Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might: simply put, act on your faith.

At home, in the work world, in the church, in his public service, dad’s commitment was unwavering.  When job changes were forced upon him, he adopted his new positions with a dignity and principles that those who knew him well appreciated.

He made many friends through all his areas of service and touched many lives all while refusing to take credit for any accomplishment.  Through good times and bad, through times of plenty and times of need, dad never wavered in his faith and always had a place in his heart for others and those who were less fortunate.  

6.  Finally, character is important

 To sum up he taught us to focus on building character and not a reputation.   Consistency, constancy, and strong principles were marks of dad’s character.  And he taught us to stand firm and think things through in a world that often seeks to mold us to its purposes. Perhaps it is here that a quote that I saw just today finally rings true: “Your life is your legacy.”

Dad,  we do not need to write your name in stone, for we will carry it with us engraved in our hearts; and it will be carried into the next generation in the lives of your beautiful granddaughters: our memories of you, the lessons we learned from you, the parts of you we model and mirror, the actions we undertake on account of your influence, and our contributions to a wider world: all because of your love, your faith, and your guidance.

THANK YOU!!

Written November 2012